The never ending finish line

Changes with my body with this pregnancy have been the scariest thing to me.  I know baby is going to wake me up every 2 hours, I’m going to have a hard time getting an hour of sleep, let a long a 30minute HITT workout in.  Yet I’m still determined that I will get by body back to where it was, pre-pregnancy.  I’m not someone who shows off their body but I was taking some pictures when I was at my fittest (not my thinnest) but the body I liked to rock out at the gym at a solid 135-140 lbs.  Not my skinny fat body of 128lbs.  Looking back at the pictures, I’m pretty sad that I didn’t appreciate my body and all it did for me until I saw it starting to add lbs because of my pregnancy (I won’t even get on the scale right now, although I know I’m not huge, I feel a the difference and don’t want to give myself any harder of a time then I already am). Pregnancy was always something amazing and beautiful to me when I would watch other people go through it.   I think pregnant people are glowing and beautiful yet I can’t seem to feel that way about myself (at all), but that isn’t anything new (as I just recognized) as looking back at my pictures of my pretty rocking body, I wasn’t satisfied. 

God is giving me the opportunity to appreciate my body for what it can do, yet I kept punishing myself instead of giving myself credit.  I knew it could play basketball and recover from ACL surgery and return pounding the pavement years later, to run a marathon (and several races/and training before that!).  I knew I could kick ass in 5k’s and lift with better form then the “meat head” boys at my gym.  I knew that my flexibility was pretty amazing and my fellow yogis would complement me on being a “natural” yet I wasn’t satisfied.  I really did have endurance, strength and flexibility, yet still I didn’t give myself credit, I just always felt I could be better.  It is OK to not be satisfied but you should appreciate your body, and give yourself credit for your hard work.  I mean I did lose about 40 lbs a few years ago and kept it off until this new little journey. 

Now God is telling me, you did all that, now watch what an amazing natural thing your body is MEANT to do.  I need to view this as another marathon.  The training is about the same, because I can tell (energy wise) my body is working and working hard to make my little nudger a happy healthy baby and just like in training I need to excersize and eat well to keep my son and myself healthy.  It also is going to take a decent amount of time for my body and my son (Evan) to be where he needs to be on D day (training for a marathon, is like a job and so is growing a baby!). Even further related is the recovery after a marathon (just as important as the training) and the back to running after brief break.  Really, that is how I’m viewing this experience.  Training, marathon day, recovery & getting back on the horse, the harder and more dedicated you are now, in training, the easier the next steps are because your body is ready.   Sure, getting back my body will take some time, but I have to give myself credit for where I am now.  I need to be proud of where I am and accept the compliments that my belly is getting bigger, because THAT IS WHAT IT IS SUPPOSED to do, and I am going to keep doing what I’m doing because most of my pre-prego pants still fit (well they don’t button of course, haha) and just keep reminding myself when I want extra chocolate that I don’t need it.  Evan is perfectly happy with what I eat, and to those who tell me “Oh go ahead, have a burger, some fries and a cookie” I’ll tell you what… you GO AHEAD and HAVE A BURGER, I’ll have a salad beast (www.fitnessista.com) instead, thanks.  After all, my baby eats what I eat, and he should become a fan of healthy eating because pre-pregnancy, pregnancy and (will be) post-pregnancy – what I have in my house is healthy eats (and dark chocolate blueberry/acai berries from Costco).  Not to mention, I plan to breast feed AND make home-made baby food.

So today, I’m taking my second love (Hector the Hubby is my first) Oso (god I love my dog) for a walk/jog combo and some at home weights, followed by some healthy eats that I plan to share, along with my pre-prego bod, my current prego bod and hopefully a review on my new Pilates DVD (realistically that may come later).

The Future: <3

I started this blog because I wanted to blog about running my first marathon.  With this, I failed. I didn’t fail at running, I failed at writing about it and my journey but I guess I really needed to let my training sink in and I have done an immense amount of self-evaluation.  I also really was afraid that I might not do the 26.2 on 10/09/2011; however, that date is tomorrow and an hour ago I picked up my packet.  So, so far, I’m totally participating.  

I have (along with many people I have graduated with) been having a hard time finding a job ANYWHERE over the past almost year and a half.  I let this really affect me significantly the past year.  It touched every piece of me, including my running.  Sure I still worked out and did a ton of miles; however, I really didn’t feel I was doing enough and so I didn’t want to share my journey.  Now, tomorrow in race day and I look back and sort of wish I would have shared the pain, and the accomplishment of running and job hunting.  BUT - I’m not going to do that.  Too much of my time is spent with what ifs and I should have done things differently.  I’m not doing that anymore, I’m owning my choices and living with them.  If the outcome is not what I want it to be, I can change that by making different choices. 

Now back to the running.  

I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH from this experience so far… 

Over the course of this training with Nike+ (pretty great!! a have a watch and my ipod) and my dear dear friends, I have had sore knees, sore quads, sore calves and blisters & bruises under toenails (I know gross, but nothing a coat of seasonable black nail polish won’t cover!  You can’t tell at all!!).

I have learned running shoes, are crazy important replace.  As my LunarGlide2’s hit 500 miles, my knees were totally telling me to get something new.  

I have learned that there are AMAZING people at Fleet Feet who can tell you how you run and what shoes to wear.  They showed me Nike’s, Saucony’s, & my new Marathon Brooks shoes… They know everything there…

I have learned that cotton socks stink when you are running a lot and your feet sweat (I suggest Nike’s dri-fit’s I have them in black and white, and they are AMAZING!).

I have learned a ton about wardrobe!!  I have tried different fabrics, learned that cotton is the worst thing to work out in when you sweat a ton (thanks to some great classes at Core Power Yoga/Bikram Yoga Oak Park) because it weighs you down and you fidget, it totally takes away from your practice and your pace.  

I have learned that lululemon althletica is also an amazing store that yogis and runners must visit, if only to experience the amazing people with great stories, who know their clothes and help you find your perfect outfits… So you look and feel great for those long yoga sessions and long runs in all seasons… 

I have learned that the body can do AMAZING THINGS and I have also learned how important my yoga practice is to keeping my joints happy and my body flexible.  

Most of all, I learned that when you meet goals, you experience this sort of peace.  Sure, I don’t have my dream job (yet!) but tomorrow I’ll be completing something only 1% of the population does, a marathon…  So I’m sickly grateful for that.

Namaste! 

I clearly care way too much about what other people think.  I need to become more confident in my decisions, I need to embrace them and love them and respect them because I am the only person I need to be concerned with when it comes to validation.  With that said, I need to blog more, yay me!  

On to my never ending finish line.  The Chicago Marathon is just a couple weeks away.  I must say I thought I wasn’t prepared but this past weekend I did 20 miles, YEP 20 miles.  I was sore Sunday (the day of the run) and Monday but hit the gym hard on Tuesday because I felt so great.  Sure 26.2 miles is insane but I can handle it.  For me, it isn’t even about time, so I will not be posting mine.  For me, it is for the finish.  It is SO mental for me.  I think about all the things I rather be doing, so my goal during the 26.2 is going to be to push through the mental blocks, take in the beautiful city and appreciate that my body is strong enough to finish it.

<3

Realizes life is just too short. Have you ever woken up and thought to yourself “I can’t wait until this day is over!” or “When is going to be 5p.m.?” how about “I CAN’T WAIT for this weekend” - Its sad how we take life for granted until it’s over. What some people would give to get those wasted days back.  

Today, tomorrow and everyday I am going to take the time to breathe a little deeper, to watch the clouds float effortlessly through the sky, enjoy my cup of coffee for the taste and not the caffeine to keep me going, I am going to hug people just a little tighter to show them I really appreciate them being in my life and just to feel their touch, I am going to think twice about getting upset that a car cuts me off or that an Attorney at work is giving me too much work for one day, I am going to look at my textbooks a little longer and appreciate all the hard work it took to get them into my hands to be a tool to my future knowledge, I am going to listen intently when people speak because I’d wish they’d do the same for me…

Don’t dwell on the past, and don’t live in the future, live for the now and today. Enjoy family, friends and what makes you happy. At the end of the day we don’t know what is going to happen the next so let’s just cherish every moment. Keep your head high… Truly live each day as it’s your last. Love too much, Listen intently, Laugh like you mean it, kiss with passion, and hug tightly… 

Yesterday after taking a 75 minute Hot Power Fusion class at CorePower yoga, I was in Shavasana and was thinking to myself how perfect that moment was.  I thought about all the good in my life.  There is SO MUCH of it.  I have FANSTASTIC friends, who really are also my family, I have a wonderful fiance and an all around healthy happy life.  

Friday I had dinner with a pair of friends that I love dearly.  It was the easiest most wonderful conversations, we had an amazing time.  I thought to myself then, this is what life is all about, friendship and love (& an awesome Mexican dish and glass (or two) of wine).  

I love that yoga can help me focus on the positive.  I try to tell all my friends they must do it too… So yesterday I get a call and am asked to go to a morning yoga class with a few of my closest friends.  I OF COURSE say yes!!  I get up this morning and get ready for yoga.  Yoga mat, yoga mat towel, change of clothes, water bottle, the works… I’m ready.  My friends come to my house and are not dressed for yoga.  They come upstairs and hand me a card.  

They are sending my fiancée and I on a scavenger hunt.  Really?  Life really doesn’t get much better than this. <3

Happy Sunday!! Pictures and my journey to follow <3