The never ending finish line

Changes with my body with this pregnancy have been the scariest thing to me.  I know baby is going to wake me up every 2 hours, I’m going to have a hard time getting an hour of sleep, let a long a 30minute HITT workout in.  Yet I’m still determined that I will get by body back to where it was, pre-pregnancy.  I’m not someone who shows off their body but I was taking some pictures when I was at my fittest (not my thinnest) but the body I liked to rock out at the gym at a solid 135-140 lbs.  Not my skinny fat body of 128lbs.  Looking back at the pictures, I’m pretty sad that I didn’t appreciate my body and all it did for me until I saw it starting to add lbs because of my pregnancy (I won’t even get on the scale right now, although I know I’m not huge, I feel a the difference and don’t want to give myself any harder of a time then I already am). Pregnancy was always something amazing and beautiful to me when I would watch other people go through it.   I think pregnant people are glowing and beautiful yet I can’t seem to feel that way about myself (at all), but that isn’t anything new (as I just recognized) as looking back at my pictures of my pretty rocking body, I wasn’t satisfied. 

God is giving me the opportunity to appreciate my body for what it can do, yet I kept punishing myself instead of giving myself credit.  I knew it could play basketball and recover from ACL surgery and return pounding the pavement years later, to run a marathon (and several races/and training before that!).  I knew I could kick ass in 5k’s and lift with better form then the “meat head” boys at my gym.  I knew that my flexibility was pretty amazing and my fellow yogis would complement me on being a “natural” yet I wasn’t satisfied.  I really did have endurance, strength and flexibility, yet still I didn’t give myself credit, I just always felt I could be better.  It is OK to not be satisfied but you should appreciate your body, and give yourself credit for your hard work.  I mean I did lose about 40 lbs a few years ago and kept it off until this new little journey. 

Now God is telling me, you did all that, now watch what an amazing natural thing your body is MEANT to do.  I need to view this as another marathon.  The training is about the same, because I can tell (energy wise) my body is working and working hard to make my little nudger a happy healthy baby and just like in training I need to excersize and eat well to keep my son and myself healthy.  It also is going to take a decent amount of time for my body and my son (Evan) to be where he needs to be on D day (training for a marathon, is like a job and so is growing a baby!). Even further related is the recovery after a marathon (just as important as the training) and the back to running after brief break.  Really, that is how I’m viewing this experience.  Training, marathon day, recovery & getting back on the horse, the harder and more dedicated you are now, in training, the easier the next steps are because your body is ready.   Sure, getting back my body will take some time, but I have to give myself credit for where I am now.  I need to be proud of where I am and accept the compliments that my belly is getting bigger, because THAT IS WHAT IT IS SUPPOSED to do, and I am going to keep doing what I’m doing because most of my pre-prego pants still fit (well they don’t button of course, haha) and just keep reminding myself when I want extra chocolate that I don’t need it.  Evan is perfectly happy with what I eat, and to those who tell me “Oh go ahead, have a burger, some fries and a cookie” I’ll tell you what… you GO AHEAD and HAVE A BURGER, I’ll have a salad beast (www.fitnessista.com) instead, thanks.  After all, my baby eats what I eat, and he should become a fan of healthy eating because pre-pregnancy, pregnancy and (will be) post-pregnancy – what I have in my house is healthy eats (and dark chocolate blueberry/acai berries from Costco).  Not to mention, I plan to breast feed AND make home-made baby food.

So today, I’m taking my second love (Hector the Hubby is my first) Oso (god I love my dog) for a walk/jog combo and some at home weights, followed by some healthy eats that I plan to share, along with my pre-prego bod, my current prego bod and hopefully a review on my new Pilates DVD (realistically that may come later).

The Future: <3